You know what, I always try to begin each issue with an editor’s letter, and each time I end up doing it before I even get a third of the issue done. This time, I’m down to about 6 pages, and I believe that sticking my letter towards the end of the zine might actually be more of a help to my readers than trying to forecast what is going to happen with the issue months before I’m even close to being done. Anyways, this issue was supposed to be out in mid-August for the Midwest Zine Fest, and when I wasn’t able to go to that, I pushed it to August 31st, September 15th (my birthday), September 31st, and then October 31st. Only after four deadlines was I able to birth this best, but this is at an incredible advantage : I’m actually happy with it. Typically, when I get done with the magazines, it is about 5:30 in the morning and I can barely even keep my eyes open, much less go and be proud of something that I have created. By that time, sleep is about the only thing that is on my mind.

Yeah, I was months late on this issue. But, if you know anything about NeuFutur, lateness is my middle name. I have a bunch of reasons that I could pass off as somewhat-okay explanations, many of which were covered in this issue. Still, I have let some people down, and as a sort of apology, I have increased the size of this magazine to thirty-six pages. And that brings me to one thing that I have to gripe about in a number of the reviews of my magazines that I have read : my magazines will ALWAYS be numbered in multiples of four. Just because I have a front and back cover does not mean that I am at 26, 30, or 34 pages. I am at 28, 32, or 36 pages, dammit! Anyways, this issue would not have been anywhere near as fun or fulfilling to make if it wasn’t for my father, who allowed me use of the printer to make the most copies of the zine I ever have (250), my mother, for continual moral support, my sister, for the killer front and back covers, and to Val @ Serena’s, for purchasing an advertisement.

For those readers that actually have the internet, my domain is doing the best it ever has. I finally made the plunge and have all my material just on the domain, instead of being forwarded to another page. The site is getting more hits per day than usual, and hopefully it can keep up those numbers as we near our fifth anniversary for it. That day, December 8th, 2003, will mark the anniversary, and I’m hoping to be at 20,000 unique hits by then. To try to make that goal more of a realistic one, I’m going to be giving out a prize package to one person who signs my guestbook between the publication date of NeuFutur #10 (October 31st, 2003) and 11:59 PM EST on December 8th. People can sign the guestbook up to three times in the period, but afterwards, any extra signatures will be disqualified. I don’t know what will be in the prize package yet, but be assured that there will be at least five CDs and stickers and other swag.

Aside from that blatant advertisement, the issue’s theme (if you couldn’t tell) was loss. Loss of friends, family, and even identity. I tried to work through some interesting decisions I made last year, and during this fall break, I have been able to come up with some basic truths about myself. While these decisions might not have been the best for me, the simple fact is that I gain experience from whatever I do. I mean, looking back at it now, maybe joining the frat wasn’t the best idea for me, but events lined themselves up that specific way to make it possible. How many people that read this magazine can honestly say that they spent about a year as a fraternity member, and throughout it all, still be able to draw from the experiences I’ve had? Its not as if every time I walk through the halls of Delta Chi, I fear for my life, or that I don’t have fun during my day-to-day time there. I just know that being a member promotes all this stress that I don’t need now, or ever for that matter. The fraternity, as well as other activities that I involve myself in, also take precious drive and desires from me that I need to continue other events, like the magazine and my album.

My family is always there for me, whatever I end up doing. I thank them especially for this summer, where my parents would drive me to and from Arby’s practically every day, take me all sorts of places, and even tolerate me stumbling in late after drinking with friends. The environment that they created was open enough that I was able to do some serious thinking, and divorce myself from some of the currents I was traveling on before the school year ended. And looking back at the summer, it was pretty depressing, yet it didn’t influence me negatively in the slightest. Where in the last few years I might have hit depressive lows and burned bridges with my friends, I chose to revel in the love my family has for one another. Each time I ended up talking to my mother, I learned more and more about the amazing woman she is. She was truly a rebel over a decade before I was even born, and I still have a few years to go before I even have a tenth of her stories. I realized that I’ve taken a lot of my mannerisms, my standoffishness, and even a desire to tinker from my dad. I thank them for every single second I’ve spent with them, even those times when I thought that they were horrid or unfair.

In a mental baggage type of sense, I’m carrying the lightest amount I’ve ever had. I’ve shucked a great deal of the negative ties I still had to Alyson, even going as far as to cut my hair into the current Mohawk. Instead of remembering my shittiness at the end of the relationship, I remember the 8 or so months we had together that were perfect. I know I’m going to deactivate from the fraternity at the end of the semester; no more worrying whether or not I will have to go to the 18 or so meetings we have every week. I stepped down from organizational power in the Feminist Majority; I have much more effect when I am not limited by an expectation that I am representing the organization. I haven’t made any of my friends ignore me lately; I really think that who I hang out with now will be the group of friends that will stick forever, instead of being those individuals I talked to before going to DePauw; these people know me, and know what shit I pull.

And one additional set of thank-yous go out to the Freedom Fries. Jared, the bassist, wrote the large chunk of pieces in the middle of my zine which absolutely kick ass. Brock is the drummer for The Freedom Fries who has opened up his garage for many a mid-day session, and is the individual who will be reviewing discs for me in future issues. As a thanks to both of them, as well as trying to continue my main focus of helping local bands, we are going to be trying to set up some shows in the central Ohio area for them. Make sure you check them out at http://thefreedomfries.150m.com . I sincerely hope you liked this issue.