When I was in high school, I could honestly say that I had less than 10 friends at any one given time. I mean, Byron was always around as buddy during that period, as well as Shayne and Barton, but really, the cast was never very large. Even after I graduated from high school and went to DePauw, I still only had 5 or so good friends. What is really odd right now is that I�ve been home for the summer for two weeks exactly, and I have had on average about two visits to my house a night sine I�ve gotten home. These aren�t just a few kids here either, as there are at least 12 or 13 regulars that come around. As was mentioned in an earlier piece, I�ve been able to hammer our some difference that I had created for myself with some of the kids in the scene here in town, and I really don�t know of any major issues that I have with anyone in Lancaster. Well, that is save for a band that threatened to sue me after previously verbally allowing me to use their music. Fuck them.

Now, this whole group of individuals I hang up with is a conundrum � is it that the alternative (for it isn�t just a rap, a punk, a goth, or a whatever scene but rather a motley crew of people) people are more unified than back in my high school years, or is it just that I have my own little clique of people? Either way, the crew that I hang around with is pretty much as solid as any other groups I�ve been in, and I would have to go as far back as my high school lunch table to find such a cool bunch of fuckers.

I always tend to sell myself short when it comes to what people think about me, and after what seems like twenty people telling me that I�m just being paranoid, I think I�m finally starting to believe that people don�t automatically hate me whenever I meet them. I still have those days when I�m trolling on the internet, sure of my invulnerability, where I go and attack anyone and everything they stand for, but they are fewer and farther between than they were in the past. However, even with these minor changes in my life, I still have that ultimate worry that I will find myself in a rut which I can never remove myself. I�ve talked about the idea of falling into a rut before, back in NeuFutur #9, but I just continually see people that have created ruts so deep for themselves that they will never be able to take themselves from them.

For example, alcoholism is a disease that has happened on both sides of the family. Well, at least I think it has � I swear, trying to get my parents to talk about anything that happened before about 1995 is like pulling frigging teeth. I understand that they might want to keep some facets of their lives secret, but they�ve lived a combined total of 100 years on this planet, and I�m sure that they could give me some advice, show me what to and not to do. Anyways, alcoholism is something that I don�t have the money or time to get involved with, yet it would be so easily to become an alcoholic. While it has slowed down considerably since this first week of summer break, I could literally get trashed off of my ass every night of the week. With different houses throwing down on different nights, I could conceivably never be sober again. I don�t want that, I don�t have problems so bad that I just need to blast my gourd out to forget them, and at this point of my life, I really don�t need to be picked up for public intoxication.

I�ve started to police myself a little more in that aspect. I got lit up three times during the eight-day Spring Break; I�ve gotten drunk (to a more moderate degree) three times in the fourteen days that I�ve been back for summer. Alcohol is a huge part of youth culture, I won�t deny that, but the people I hang around with are pretty good about not pushing people into drinking. There may be beer around practically every hour of every day, but it is always the decision of the individual, not of the group.

Minor things have changed in Lancaster since I was home full-time as a high school student, but the most exciting thing is that I have a few friends that actually are helping with the myriad of crazy ideas that I have over the course of the summer. Brock, drummer for The Freedumb Fries and as of yet untitled metal band, has insinuated himself as a talent scout for NeuFutur Records, and Hiles is the Brandon DiCamillo to my Bam in recording for my TV show, L.C.D. . Barton always used to try to help with shit like that, but he has his own thing going on now and his free time is pitifully small, but to have two people that give as much of a shit about matters as I do helping with things is just insane.

To quote the gay steel mill workers at The Anvil (yet another Simpsons quote, I know): �We Work Hard, We Play Hard�. This summer has barely started, and we already have three concerts, a compilation CD, a TV show, at least three zines, and a hell of a lot to drinking to do before this break ends. I wouldn�t be able to do half the things that I had planned without people like my parents, my sister, Hiles, Brock, Derek, Sweeney, Barton, Shayne, Nikki, Neumayer, Brobecks I II and III, Bob, and all the bands that aren�t complete shits to me.