NeuFutur #12 Editorial by JMcQ

I’ve not had the time to write lately. Well, that’s a lie – I’ve done a number of memos and other little things for my classes, but nothing big or zine-related. I’ve given myself a mid-March release date for this issue of NeuFutur (let’s just see how late this actually comes out) and I hope to update people about what has happened in my life since the halcyon days of the last issue (which did come out quite a few months ago, if one checks the dating and everything). One thing is new about me, though: I’m fucking exhausted, and not in the sleep for a weekend style. I’m tired of everything I’m doing, I’m tired of the concerts, I’m tired of the radio show, I’m tired of college and of going out partying every weekend. I have absolutely no idea on how to change up my schedule to make things less tedious, and I don’t think it really helps that I have my whole future hanging over me like stormclouds.

I actually was able to spend some time with my family over an extended winter break, granted me because I had taken a winter-term class successfully for three years. After trying to go and re-apply for my supper job at Kmart and never hearing back from them (extending my streak of businesses flaking out on me after saying I could come back anytime to 3), I had about six weeks of free time to do with as I may. The issue of this zine will by and large cover that period of time, as I found myself being the busiest I have been in recent memory (maybe ever, but I have a horrible memory. A minuscule amount of time allowed me to experience a level 2 snow emergency (during the day of one of the NeuFutur concerts, even), standing out in the driving snow for a half-hour waiting for a cab that never came, going out to my first hometown bar, and trying desperately to come up with any solid plans for my future.

Still though, six weeks is never enough time to get all I wanted done. There’s still a chance at this early stage that I will have to hold off publication of this issue due to a lack of funds – I’m the brokest I’ve ever been. In fact, this issue is a testament to the extremes – whether it be the most hurt I’ve been or the beginning of a new phase in my life – and to be honest, I have only the inkling of the forces that are threatening to pull me asunder. From almost missing the necessary test (GRE) to even be considered for entrance to graduate school to the number of cold nights walking home after drinking I’ve been fortunate enough to avoid cops, the six weeks I was back home in the winter of 2004-2005 were much more exciting than I may have let on. Sure, its not as if I was held up at gunpoint or jumped from a plane, but each move I make is changing things imperceptibly. I am the master of my own domain, and while the other individuals will buffet me with their own forces, there is nothing that I can’t do.

Throughout my life there have been so many people that have given me shit, so many people say that I just can’t do certain things. People in Lancaster bands have wondered why I have concerts practically ever time I come back home, and confide in me that they don’t believe Lancaster has anything to offer them. I do shows because I can, and everything I do is to show every single person that goes to my concert, reads my zine, or listens to my radio show that they can as well. This is not some Ton Robbins human-empowerment shit; I am getting my hands dirty and maybe two neurons will fire in someone’s head and they will realize that they don’t need to just let things happen a certain way.

Still, even as strong I make myself sound in the previous paragraph, , so much shit has just been weighing on my shoulders as of late. The aforementioned mounds of paperwork for graduate school applications, having two shows only contribute weakly to the new NeuFutur Records disc, setting up and promoting other concerts – all of these events incorporate other individuals, exuding their own spheres of influence. These extra individuals seem at times to be working at direct cross-purposes with me, with nature and the leader of the VFW providing the greatest sources of my aggravation during this break. Still, its 2005 (2758 AUC) matters shine brightly – the dark of the night hasn’t reared its ugly head as of yet. NeuFutur Conglomerate (because I don’t really feel like writing everything I do again) has new issues, new CDs, shows, and more to do and I may be changing venues school-wise (if I am accepted anywhere). Of course, the darkness could come at any time – if I can’t set up a show here in Greencastle during March, if I get shut out of graduate school, if I run out of money. Whatever, though – I’ll just live through whatever bullshit happens. Keep reading… -James McQuiston Editor, NeuFutur