5)Zero Patience – This Canadian musical, which came out in 1994, has been relegated in the history books to being no more than a blip on the cultural radar, having one of its lyrical interludes shown on a HBO sex clip show. This clip, which involves two assholes (The Butthole Duet), is amazingly well done but the rest of the movie is of this caliber. Having one ghost (in the form of Sir Richard Burton) make a documentary about Patient Zero, the supposed first jump-off point for AIDS in North America, is utter brilliance. Gradually coming to the realization that eir’s expose on Gaetan Dugas is sensationalistic and not at all based on fact, Burton is helped along eir’s path to a realization that Dugan is more than just a carrier, but an individual who was caring and very friendly.

The movie has some excellent sub-plots, having a Sword of Damocles type situation with George, an elementary school teacher that is fighting over the incredibly high price of AIDS medication, but still having to pay the price as ey needs them. Overall, the musical is very off-setting, with some of the musical interludes seemingly tacked onto the scene, but the information purveyed in Zero Patience really go a long way in debunking some of the myths that still are prevalent. The Green Monkey hypothesis is shot to hell, and just the shucking-away of this harmful myth benefits the research of AIDS, something that has really found a current in such independent ‘zines as The CIA Makes Science Fiction Unexciting.

4)Psycho Beach Party – This mock-up of an early sixties surfer movie is hilarious to say the least. The mix of the elements that made these surfer movies (a hackneyed master of the beach, competition between surfers, and the exclusion of females in surfing) and of a quasi-Manchurian Candidate meets Friday the 13th type horror movie. Taking place in Malibu, Chicklet is trying to become the first female surfer, and everyone that gives eir grief is killed in some horrible way. Of course, the audience knows who is committing these horrible acts, as Chicklet’s transformations into eir’s alter ego Ann Bowman are shown on camera, being triggered by concentric circles. As the movie is a spoof of these surfer movies, there really isn’t much in the way of plot outside of this premise, but I would propose that there doesn’t need to be.

The sub-plot with the Kanaka (the surfing guru) and Ann Bowman is just classic, with the very dominating Kanaka being turned into a complete submissive by the domineering Bowman. While Chicklet is drooling over Kanaka pretty much the entire movie, ey completely misses the love that is coming from eir friend Berdine. Overall, the movie is excellent, even using a style of film that is appropriate for the time period of the movie, as well as “surfing” – having Kanaka and Chicklet stand on a stationary surfboard while having projected images of waves behind them.

3)Toxic Avenger – One of the earliest “cult” movies that I had seen, my dad taped for me the first three installments of the movie, of which there has been a fourth (Citizen Toxie) added in the last few years. However, the best is the first movie, which shows the transformation of Melvin into the Toxic Avenger. Troma really made a name for themselves with this movie, as Toxic Avenger is just bat-shit crazy. Melvin is a menial worker at the Tromaville Gym, and Slug and Bozo (with their girls) constantly harass the weakling, eventually forcing Melvin to jump out of a window into a stationary truck of toxic waste. With the entire town laughing at the tutu-clad Melvin, rapidly losing skin as the waste works through eir’s system, Melvin becomes the Avenger.

Moving on through the story, the Avenger goes through and helps various individuals who are being terrorized by the riff-raff of the city. With fight scenes including putting someone’s arms in a deep-fryer and making someone into a meal, the action is goofy as all get out and bizarre to boot. Melvin finds a love in a blind girl who can actually see eir as the goodness inside instead of the hideousness outside. They make their home in the Tromaville dump, and are about to live happily ever after, until the corrupt mayor of the town (a John Candy lookalike), takes the law into eir’s own hands and tries to bring the police into the matter. Goodness wins out, this time.

2)Josie and the Pussycats – Not many people saw this movie when it came out in 2001, probably due to the fact that the movie was pandered to pre-teen girls when the only individuals who were familiar with the Josie mythos were older individuals who had seen the original cartoon or Archie comic. The lack of familiarity might actually be a ancillary reason why this movie didn’t do so hotly in the box office – on a movie that cost $39 million to make, it only grossed $14.3 million. The key reason was that even though it was an amazing movie, the masses just didn’t get the completely hostile tone it took towards commercialization of society. With shots that literally were nothing but product placement for a minute, people that did get the intention saw that the pandering of music in a major label setting is more often than less a commercial venture instead of a labour of love.

The story has an absolutely amazing cast, mixing Alan Cumming and Parker Posey (off their Romy and Michelle success) with teen stars Rosario Dawson, Tara Reid, and Rachel Leigh Cook. Literally, the directors of the movie threw money towards anyone that was at that time a teen star – Seth Green, Breckin Meyer (Road Trip) , Donald Faison (Clueless) are the boy band Du Jour, and even Carson Daly and Eugene Levy makes appearances. Each of the tracks (except for the ass-covers of old rock standards like Money) played by Josie and the Pussycats are catchy as hell, with Letters from Cleo vocalist Kay Hanley performing the songs.

1)Shock Treatment – The sequel to Rocky Horror. Bet most of you didn’t realize that Rocky Horror had a sequel, did you? If you did, you rock, but Shock Treatment was a movie that was much more well funded by Fox after Rocky Horror pulled in such numbers with a miniscule budget. Susan Sarandon didn’t reprise eir role as Janet, due to the fact that ey is a complete hose-monster, asking Richard O’Brien for $1 million for Shock Treatment. Gone also is Barry Bostwick, who would have played Brad but a second commitment blocked up eir’s schedule. However, Jessica Harper plays a much more striking and musically able Janet (who is a brunette now!). Cliff De Young plays par for the course with Brad, but as with Rocky Horror, it is more the songs in-movie than the plot that make eir’s movies so enjoyable.

Another movie that has a John Candy look-a-like, the tracks are much more influenced by the nu-wave movement than the rock-and-roll leanings of Rocky Horror. The movie’s plot revolves around Farley Flavors, who is Brad’s long-lost twin brother. Where Brad had gotten everything, including the amazing Janet Weiss, Farley had to build everything from scratch, resenting Brad all the way. Brad and Janet go on the Marriage Maze, a game show where Brad gets the prize of being put into Dentonvale, a mental institution. Turned into a vegetable, Janet is promoted by Farley into being the paragon of mental health, and ey almost wins eir’s heart.